Safe and Sound
by Reaper-Lawliet
Summary: Mary Sue Parody, for Rose.Oracle. Twoshot. One day, a mysterious new nation shows up a meeting, and announces that she's going to marry Russia- whether Russia wants to or not. Mild Russia/China.
1. A New Nation

**Safe and Sound**  
By Reaper-Lawliet

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia. Unfortunately, I DO own Daisy Starbeam.

**A/N:** I promised my friend, Rose Oracle, I'd write her a Mary Sue parody for a while, and this is it. Yes, I have seen Sues in this fandom, but the Sue in this story represents a nation I totally made up. And this will contain mild Russia/China, so you have been forewarned.

Please don't whack me with Hungary's frying pan if anyone is OOC! This is my first attempt at anything for this fandom.

* * *

**Chapter 1- A New Nation**

Attending a World Summit Meeting would sound like something incredible to the average person. To a nation that's actually been to one, it's just one big headache.

The meetings would usually go something like this:

First, America would propose some ridiculous solution to a major world issue. England would reject said solution, and France would disagree with both just for the sake of disagreeing. This would result in a much larger argument. China had given up trying to stop them several years ago. Canada, at this point, would realize that he would never be listened to, and would begin to play with his bear. Greece would be asleep by now. Russia would be scaring Latvia with some help from Belarus. Estonia decided to write a thesis on why nothing ever got done at these meetings, and was currently on page 345.

One day, however, the nations got a break from their usual antics.

* * *

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and all was well. So far, the meeting was going as it always went. America had proposed that the nations should buy a giant thing of sunscreen to stop global warming. England disagreed. Just to shake things up a bit, Taiwan and Vietnam, who sat on either side of a rather apathetic Hong Kong, began to braid his hair. Hong Kong didn't seem to care and only let out a small squeak occasionally when either of the girls would pull too much on his hair, leaving Korea questioning his manhood.

However, all heads turned to suddenly Lithuania, who was in the middle of explaining to Poland why he refused to wear a miniskirt that was four sizes too small for him. The Baltic nation said that he could hear something that sounded like a horse down the hallway.

"Don't be ridiculous," Estonia said. "How could there possibly be a horse in the lobby?"

"It's probably one of Iggy's unicorn friends," America mused. "I was kinda hoping he'd bring a dragon one of these days."

England was about to make a witty retort when the door to the room burst open in a rather melodramatic fashion, startling most of the nations (except for Russia, who found it rather amusing). The person who opened the door proceeded to skip into the room, her long, sakura-pink hair gracefully flowing behind her, like curtains on a breezy- hold on, that is insulting me as a writer. I'm rephrasing that.

The person who opened the door had long, light pink hair that went to her waist. She also had golden eyes, which might have not been so strange, had they not gone from gold to blue in a matter of a few seconds. She was dressed in a short, hot pink mini-dress, and was not wearing shoes. As well as looking totally ridiculous and out of place, she was followed by a lilac unicorn with a rainbow tattooed on its butt (as well a nametag that read, "Hello, my name is Bob".).

"…Who the hell are you, and why the hell do you have a unicorn?" asked the oh-so-eloquent Romano.

"My name is Daisy Starbeam," she said in a musical, lovely voice, "I am from a small, tropical island off the coast of Russia-"

"Hold on," England interrupted, "How can there possibly be a tropical island off the coast of Russia?"

The mysterious new nation ignored him as she caught sight of Canada. Her eyes not only widened, they turned a deep shade of lilac as she proceeded to take a running start towards the Canadian, screaming "MATTHEW!!!" at the top of her lungs, and tackling the poor man off of his chair and on to the floor.

Canada let out a yell of surprise as he fell to the ground. Not only was it awkward that some woman he'd met two seconds ago had just tackled him to the floor, he was pretty sure he'd banged his head on the back of the chair fairly hard. For once, he was actually_ wishing_ that someone had ignored him.

"Dearest brother, I missed you!" she cried, now bawling into his jacket.

"I'm sorry," he managed, "I only have one brother. His name is Alfred."

"I have a brother?!" America cried, turning to England. "That's awesome! Why didn't anyone tell me!?"

To this, Arthur Kirkland promptly smacked his forehead.

"But of course! You have a brother _and_ a sister! We were separated at birth, remember?! When England and France took you and Alfred, I was claimed by Russia!" Daisy Starbeam sat up, still on top of Canada, which shifted all her weight on to his abdomen.

"Maple!" he squeaked.

She ignored him and went right on with her story. "Russia really didn't treat me as his daughter, I was more like his girlfriend! He treated me different than Lithuania and the others because I'm a special little snowflake!"

China dropped the book he was reading on the floor. Did this girl just say that she was Russia's _girlfriend?!_ No. Just…no. He couldn't imagine Ivan Braginski- or anyone else, for that matter-actually _liking_ this girl. Poor Canada looked like he couldn't breathe and began to cough. Daisy didn't seem to notice him or the fact that China was staring at her from across the room.

"But then," she continued, "I declared my independence from Russia! He was heartbroken, of course, but he let me go! Then we promised that we'd see each other! Since my island has the world's leading glitter glue export, I worked as a glitter glue saleswoman in America for a year, then I lived on Mars for a while, and now I'm here!"

"…That never happened," Russia said simply. He folded his arms and leaned back in his chair, glancing over at China.

"Of course you wouldn't remember," she replied. "BECAUSE THAT MEANIE CHINA HIT YOU OVER THE HEAD, AND YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MEMORIES OF ME!"

"I never did that, aru!" China protested. "I've never even seen you before!"

"Yes, you did!" Daisy Starbeam persisted, "BECAUSE YOU'RE A MEANIE WHO HITS POOR, DEFENSELESS NATIONS OVER THE HEAD!"

Before China could reply, a rather annoyed Russia hauled Daisy Starbeam off of Canada, who at this point, was having trouble breathing. He nodded gratefully to the taller nation and sat back down in his chair, still coughing. Even America seemed concerned for his twin brother.

"You can't go around choking the America look-alike, da?" Russia said simply, smiling his creepy, childish smile. "It's just not nice. I'm sure he didn't appreciate it."

Daisy Starbeam was totally unfazed by Russia's…er, creepy-ness, and proceeded to hug him tightly around the waist, since he was so much taller than she was. She then started to cry, sobbing something about how much she missed _her_ Ivan.

Russia, at this point, was considering how lucky he was that Belarus didn't act like this on a daily basis. Belarus herself wasn't able to attend this meeting. If she had, Daisy Starbeam would've resembled Swiss cheese by now.

China, on the other hand, was getting quite disturbed by all of this.

"…And THEN the unicorns were put on the endangered species list, and they killed Kenny!" Daisy Starbeam was sobbing, her tears now forming a lovely wet stain on Russia's jacket. The taller nation didn't mind the fact that his jacket was wet, it was the fact that this girl was now clinging to him. And she wasn't even intimidated by him, which was even worse.

"Hey, Aniki," Korea said suddenly, pulling on the sleeve of China's shirt. Korea had been strangely quiet through all of this, which was odd, given his personality.

"I think that girl's stealing your man." Korea mused, then laughed as China's face turned as red as the shirt he was wearing. Korea, like all the other nations, was disturbed by the girl, but was having too much fun tormenting his Aniki.

"Korea! It's not like that, aru!" China cried. He then noticed Daisy Starbeam glaring at Korea, who was too busy laughing. Her eyes turned dark red, but then she quickly brightened up again and turned back to Russia.

"Let's get married, Ivan!"

The whole room went deadly silent. Even Korea stopped laughing. All the nations turned to Russia, whose expression was unreadable. He looked like he wanted to kill something, which was odd, considering he was usually the one who went around asking everyone to "become one with Mother Russia, da?". This girl must have really gotten on his nerves already if he didn't want to become one with her, and he kept glancing at China.

"I…don't want to become one with you, da?" Russia said after the five minute awkward silence.

"Don't be silly! Of course you do!" Daisy Starbeam's eyes suddenly darkened, similarly to how Russia's did when he was upset. She spoke in a low tone, so only Russia could hear her. "Otherwise…I'll have remove someone. Someone who's wearing a red shirt and has a ponytail…or maybe even your big sister?"

Russia knew exactly who she was talking about- _China and Ukraine._ Of course, he wasn't afraid of her, and knew China was perfectly capable of taking care of himself. He remembered China taking out Germany and Japan with a wok in World War II, among other things. If worst came to worst, he always had his pipe.

"I know what you're thinking," Daisy Starbeam continued, "And you can't defeat me easily. I have SUPAH AMAZIN POWAHS, and I don't think you'd want to challenge those. Here, I'll show you."

Before the taller nation could say anything, Daisy Starbeam snapped her fingers, and Latvia suddenly gasped in pain and fell to the floor. Lithuania and Estonia immediately went to the small nation's side.

"What happened to him!?" Taiwan demanded, looking over at the Baltic nations with concern.

"He…He just collapsed!" Lithuania cried, kneeling down at Latvia's side. "He's alive, but I can't tell what's wrong!"

"I could have done a lot worse than that," Daisy Starbeam grinned rather sadistically. "So…what will it be? Getting married to me, or will you risk the lives or your beloved China and Ukraine?"

For the first time in a very long time, Russia felt somewhat afraid.

* * *

**A/N:** What has Russia gotten himself into (or what have I gotten Russia into)?

This will be concluded in the next chapter, which will probably be up after I update my Death Note fics.

Review, please?


	2. Things Go Wrong

**Safe and Sound**  
By Reaper-Lawliet

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, nor any of the other series I made references to here. Only Daisy Starbeam. Unfortunately. I also own Greenland, who is briefly mentioned. Any other characters belong to Rose Oracle.

**A/N:** I AM SO SORRY FOR MAKING YOU GUYS WAIT OVER FOUR MONTHS FOR AN UPDATE. Things have been quite crazy lately, and I've had no inspiration for this story…or anything, lately…so feel free to throw things at me as long as they're not too heavy. And feel free to throw stuff at me if anyone is OOC. As a small bonus for making you wait so long for an update, enjoy the mini-fluff at the end.

And yes, I have seen Sues for Hetalia. Guys, there are lots of countries, states, provinces, and micronations Hetalia hasn't personified. You don't need to make one up.

* * *

**Chapter 2- Things Go Wrong  
**

Francis Bonnefoy could be called a simple man- all he really needed to survive was food, water, shelter, and someone to constantly annoy. Clothing was optional. So he'd woken up that morning (after he'd fallen asleep at his computer reading some very naughty fanfiction) and realized that he'd overslept and was going to be late to the meeting. Or more importantly, he was going to be late to his scheduled "annoy Arthur Kirkland time".

So when France melodramatically burst into the meeting room and was about to announce why he was so late, his attention was drawn to Russia, who had a sparkly teenage girl hanging off of his arm screaming "MARRY ME, DAMMIT!" (France would've assumed that it was Belarus if the girl hadn't been sparkling). He also noticed an unconscious Latvia lying on the floor, and Lithuania, who was trying to wake him up. And then there was Hong Kong, who now had braided hair.

"Mon Dieu," France breathed, "I'm never going to be late for a meeting ever again. Hong Kong, that hairstyle _does not_ work for you at all, mon ami!"

Vietnam started arguing with France about Hong Kong's hair, and England began to give up hope of ever getting this meeting back on track. He'd been hoping that France's arrival could straighten things out, but all in all, France's presence had just made things worse.

"EVERYONE, SHUT UP!"

All eyes turned to Daisy Starbeam, who was still clinging to Russia. The room turned deadly silent. France wasn't even sure why he was listening to a sparkly teenage girl clinging to a nation whose mentality was quite questionable, but she was almost glowing dark blue, which was beyond creepy on many levels.

"You're giving my Ivan-kins a headache!" Daisy Starbeam said, in a voice that was so sweet it probably would've caused a normal human to get diabetes upon hearing it. Actually, a normal human probably would've vomiting when hearing our lovely little heroine call Russia "Ivan-kins". Not even _Belarus_ went there.

Speaking of Ivan-kins, he felt his eye twitch.

"Can we just adjourn this meeting? Please?" Taiwan asked. "This is getting nowhere. All any of us are getting is headaches."

"She's right," Vietnam agreed. She glared at France with a look that said, _we'll finish this later on Facebook._

"No," replied a very, very annoyed England. "We started this meeting and we're going to bloody finish it! Global warming is an issue we're going to solve, annoying new nation or not."

Daisy Starbeam made at face at the Brit for calling her an annoying new nation, but decided to deal with him later. After all, she had already demonstrated her powers on Latvia, so why shouldn't they work on England? But it was beginning to bother her than people's heads weren't exploding from her sheer awesome, and none of the male nations were in love with her.

And, for the first time in a very, very long time, Russia wished Belarus was at the meeting.

* * *

The meeting dragged on as it usually did; America suggested that they should buy the world a giant sunhat to stop global warming this time, and England called him and idiot and told his to stop with the ridiculous ideas. Canada attempted to get the two men to stop arguing, but was ignored and ended up having a conversation with Greenland, who wasn't even quite sure who he was. Estonia continued on his thesis after Lithuania had managed to revive Latvia, and Vietnam and France debated over Hong Kong's hairstyle.

After England couldn't take much more of the meeting, he declared the meeting was adjourned. No one had any objections, so the nations began gathering their things in preparation to leave. Daisy Starbeam, through all of this, was still clinging to Russia. Unfortunately for him, he'd left his infamous pipe at home.

And then, the strangest thing happened.

For around the third time that day, the door to the meeting room was kicked down in a melodramatic fashion complete with a rather loud _BANG_ as a teenage boy with short, reddish-brown hair, bright blue eyes, and a pair of goggles ran in. And the door, not able to withstand anymore kicks, promptly fell down on top of Latvia, only causing the remaining Baltics even more stress.

"Jazz! Stop kick down doors! It gets so annoying after a while!" a teenage girl from behind him sighed. She was a bit taller than him, and had short, dirty blonde hair and light brown eyes. She peered in the doorway and examined the room, where all of the inhabitants were staring at the two teenagers who had just ruined their door.

"Sorry, Lorelai," the boy, Jazz, said sheepishly. "Um, anyways. M-Moving on. Hi, there. I'm Jazz Runo, and this is Lorelai Heights. We're with the Mary Sue Slayer Force, and we're here to take that sparkly girl off of your hands, if you don't mind."

"You can have her!" said America from where he was standing. "Seriously! I think she almost choked my brother, what's-his-face!"

"Canada, you idiot!" England corrected.

"Gazuntite," America blinked.

_Where did I go wrong with him?_ England asked himself as his smacked his forehead once again.

"Uh…" Jazz raised an eyebrow at England's dismay, no really sure what to say about that. "We'll just take the Sue and-"

"NEVER!" Daisy Starbeam roared, tightening her grip on Russia so much that she practically cut off the poor guy's circulation. Her eyes turned a dangerous shade of red- because really, who needs cheap mood rings when your eyes can make just as good ones- and she began to glow, royally freaking out almost everyone in the room.

Greece woke up, took one look at Daisy Starbeam, blinked, glared at Turkey, pet his cat, then when back to sleep.

"Crap, she's a powerful one," Lorelai grumbled, reaching into her bag. She pulled out two swords, and tossed one to Jazz. "We need to take care of her before she hurts any-"

"KILL ME AND CHINA AND UKRAINE DIE."

"…Nevermind. We're doing Plan B."

"What's Plan B?"

"I'll let you know as soon as I think of it."

"…Wait a minute," said Vietnam, rather suddenly. "What in the world is a 'Mary Sue'? And why are you two going around slaying them? I'm sure Russia doesn't have a problem with it, but still."

"A Mary Sue is a perfect character," Lorelai explained quickly. "That are perfect, sparkly, and generally annoying. They're unrealistic and you generally don't want them. We go around destroying them because they mess up universes. It's not too often you see one around here, but when you do, it's big deal."

"ARE YOU THROUGH?!" Daisy Starbeam yelled. She let go of Russia, and then waved her hand. All of a sudden, a giant sword that put Cloud Strife's to shame appeared in her left hand (because, you know, being right-handed is boring and average).

"…How does she lift that thing?" Jazz asked, raising an eyebrow."

"How does Sora's hair stick up like that, even when it's wet?"

"…Point."

Pretty ticked off at this point, Daisy Starbeam charged at the duo with her physics (and logic)-defying sword. The two barely had enough time to block, and sparks flew off from the clashing of metal. The nations stood there in silence, watching the fight, knowing there wasn't much they could do.

The Sue then flipped backwards, and waved her hand. Suddenly, a spider the size of a softball appeared on Jazz's shoulder. The boy, paled, made some sort of noise that sounded a lot like a scream, and fell over, trying to get the spider off. Lorelai had no time to turn around and help him as the Sue then charged at her.

"We have to help them! Or at least, the hero of the entire world should!" America exclaimed, striking a rather heroic pose. "Alright, you're all my backup!"

"Bro, do you want to get killed…?" Canada asked shyly. Kumajiro poked his face.

"Silly…whatever your name is! I'm a hero! I can't get killed!"

"Stay out of this!" Lorelai cried as she managed to slash Daisy Starbeam's arm. The swords she and Jazz were using were specially modified to hurt Sues, as normal weapons generally don't work on them. The Sue paused and waved her finger, like Lorelai was a five year-old who just did something naughty.

"Remember, if you kill me, China and Ukraine die, too!" she smiled creepily.

The expression on China's face was unreadable as he kept looking from Korea to Japan to Taiwan to Hong Kong to Russia.

And then, something of either a miracle or chance happened- your choice.

Daisy Starbeam when to shoot and energy beam at Lorelai, who ducked. The beam went flying, hit a mirror, and cut Iceland's check. The wound wasn't deep at all and he didn't seem to be in pain from it, but the beam did destroy to tissue box he was using for his cold.

Norway, who was sitting near Iceland, would not stand to see his little brother get hurt. He muttered a few words under his breath, and all of a sudden, Daisy Starbeam was knocked off her feet by some unseen force. The Nordic then went over to see if his brother was alright and to see if he had any spare tissues.

The distraction gave Lorelai just enough of a chance to get the upper hand and point her sword menacingly at Daisy Starbeam's throat.

"Undo whatever it is you did to China and Ukraine and get rid of the spider, or I'll recite decent literature."

"No…no…anything but that!" Daisy Starbeam wailed.

"_Two households, both alike in dignity, in fair Verona, where we lay our scene…" _Lorelai said. England looked on approvingly.

"Fine, fine! JUST MAKE IT STOP!" the Sue screamed. She snapped her fingers and the spider was gone. "CHINA AND UKRAINE SHOULD BE FINE NOW! JUST LET ME GO! NO MORE SHAKESPEARE!"

"Sorry, no can do," said Lorelai, as she stabbed Daisy Starbeam. She screamed and exploded into pink, sparkly dust with Russian flag confetti.

"That was…something." said Denmark, after a good five minutes of awkward silence. "Well, Norge, what do you know! Your weird magic finally came in handy!"

"…I did nothing," Norway blinked. "What are you talking about?"

Jazz got up and brushed himself off, still recovering from the spider incident. "S-Sorry I wasn't much of a help there, Lorelai. You know how I am with s-spiders…"

The female Sue Slayer sighed. "It's okay, sweetheart. Now come on then, hurry up. We have to get rid of this Death Note Sue in ten minutes-"

"Death Note…?" Jazz repeated apprehensively.

"Yeah, where my brother disappeared," Lorelai said quietly, touching the blue bandana tied around her arm. "But we'll find him someday. I know it."

"Uh, well. If you two have to get going," England said suddenly, "We'd like to thank you for getting rid of that…erm, Mary Sue."

"It's our job. Oh, and sorry about your door," Jazz said sheepishly. He waved a little goodbye as his ran our the doorway, with Lorelai closely behind.

* * *

After the meeting, China was walking to the airport, with his hands shoved into the pockets of his dark jacket. He hated the cold weather, he realized, and wondered why he didn't just take America's advice and call for a taxi. After 5,000 years of being alive and taking care of his siblings, he should be entitled to be lazy every now and then.

"China!"

The Asian nation spun around to see Russia walking towards him. That would alarm most people, but some how, it didn't bother Yao so much anymore. He stopped and waited for Russia to catch up with him.

"You are alright, da?" Russia smiled.

"Yes," China replied, and continued walking. Russia walked next to him. "That girl was crazy, huh, aru?"

"She made Belarus's obsession with me look normal," Russia nodded. "But you know I would have never allowed her to hurt you."

"Is that so…?" China asked. He'd fought and defended himself many different times against many different people, but never against a sparkly teenage girl who practically killed Latvia. "Ivan, that girl was dangerous, aru."

"I know." Russia stopped and bit his lip, thinking about something thoughtfully for a moment.

"What is it, aru?"

"…I don't think I would have wanted her to become one with Mother Russia."

China couldn't help but smile and roll his eyes. "How much farther is the airport, aru?"

"I am not sure. You might want to just wait for a taxi."

The smaller nation nodded and took a seat on a bench on the sidewalk. Russia sat next to him. He looked at China for a moment, then looked at his scarf. Then, he took off said scarf, put some of it around China's neck, and some of it around his own.

"What are you doing, aru!?" China cried.

"You seemed cold, da? Ukraine used to do this for me when I was young." Russia seemed hurt by China's sudden offense. "You do not like this?"

"…No, it's fine, aru. Let's just wait for the taxi."

"China?"

"Yes, aru?"

"I think the rest of today will be a good one."

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the meeting room, only America, England, and Canada were left. The others had long cleared out. The room was in decent shape for a place that had just held a fight between a sparkly teenager and two kids with swords. The door was kicked down, there was a broken window, there was a pile of sparkly pink dust with Russian flag confetti in it on the floor, and the floor had scratch marks on it, but other than that, it looked perfectly normal.

"So, England, today I realized something!" America said.

"And what is that, America?" England sighed, checking his pockets to see if he had any headache relief pills left. When you know Francis Bonnefoy, you tend to carry these things around.

"That when France is late to a meeting, weird things happen!"

"Is that because the one time Papa shows up late, Russia gets a Mary Sue stalker?" Canada suggested.

"No! It's because Hong Kong let two girls braid his hair! Everyone knows his hair would look better in just a plain old ponytail!"

* * *

**A/N:** And we're done! I hope the fluff didn't suck too badly…I generally don't write those kinds of things.


End file.
